one of my favorite things in the world

reprinted without permission. i originally heard this at SLC's own vagina cabaret, "sarah's vagina" last year.

Why I Play With My Cunt
by Lovechild 93
Originally appeared in the pages of Brat Attack #4.
Reprinted in QN Issue #6

BECAUSE I WAS NOT BREASTFED · BECAUSE MY CRIB WAS PADDED AND I LIKE THE FEEL OF STEEL · BECAUSE I WAS SPANKED BY MY BABYSITTER · BECAUSE THE KIDS USED TO CALL ME HALF-BREED · BECAUSE MY FATHER IGNORED ME AND MY MOTHER FUCKED THE BOTTLE · BECAUSE MY BROTHER JERKED OFF TO AUNT JAMIMA · BECAUSE MY DOG WAS KEPT IN BONDAGE TIL THE DAY HE DIED · BECAUSE A WHITEBOY TOOK MY VIRGINITY · BECAUSE I WAS NEVER TAUGHT HOMOSEXUALITY IN HEALTH CLASS · BECAUSE THE SANDMAN WAS A LESBIAN · BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD · BECAUSE MY CUNT IS SELFISH · BECAUSE IT'S SELF-GRATIFICATION · BECAUSE MY PERIOD FEELS LIKE A BULLFIGHT · BECAUSE I HATE THE SMELL OF PORK · BECAUSE I LOVE THE TASTE OF PUSSY · BECAUSE I CAN'T FIST MY OWN ASSHOLE · BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS · BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE A BABY WHEN I SHAVE IT · BECAUSE MY PLATFORM HEEL WON'T FIT INSIDE · BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD · BECAUSE MY CUNT IS SELFISH · BECAUSE IT'S SELF-GRATIFICATION · BECAUSE MY VIBRATOR ISN'T POWERFUL ENOUGH · BECAUSE TRANSSEXUALS TURN ME THE FUCK ON · BECAUSE SCENES FROM CALIGULA RUN THROUGH MY HEAD · BECAUSE CINDERELLA WASN'T MY SLAVE · BECAUSE IT THROBS LIKE A DICK · BECAUSE I SLEEP ALONE · BECAUSE OF THE QUESTION OF DEATH · BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD · BECAUSE MY CUNT IS SELFISH · BECAUSE IT'S SELF-GRATIFICATION · BECAUSE FRIDAY FOSTER SAYS I'M A PERVERT · BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF TREE VIRGINS IN HORSETAILS · BECAUSE MY DOUBLE-DONG WAS STOLEN · BECAUSE I SMOKED MY LAST CIGARETTE · BECAUSE I WANT TO SPIT-SHINE PRINCE'S BOOTS · BECAUSE I HATE SLOPPY BLOW-JOBS · BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD · BECAUSE MY CUNT IS SELFISH · BECAUSE IT'S SELF-GRATIFICATION · BECAUSE THERE ARE NO MORE VIRGINS · BECAUSE I CAN'T GIVE THE GOVERNMENT AN ENEMA · BECAUSE WHORES BECAME EXPENSIVE · BECAUSE I HATE THE THOUGHT OF CLOTHING · BECAUSE I'M THE BORDERLINE OF A DYKE AND A BOY · BECAUSE I WANT TO BE SADDDLED AND TRAINED LIKE A HORSE · BECAUSE SLAVERY WAS IN MY ROOTS AND I THIRST S&M · BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD · BECAUSE MY CUNT IS SELFISH · BECAUSE IT'S SELF-GRATIFICATION · BECAUSE I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH PUSSY · BECAUSE THE SOUND OF A WOMAN'S VOICE OVER THE PHONE · BECAUSE WHEN IT'S WET IT GLAZES MY FINGERS · BECAUSE I WANT TO BE GANG-BANGED BY FEMALE INMATES · BECAUSE I WANT TO FUCK FOR FOOD AND WATER · BECAUSE I WASN'T BORN IN A CHASTITY BELT · BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD · BECAUSE MY CUNT IS SELFISH · BECAUSE IT'S SELF-GRATIFICATION · BECAUSE I LIKE TO WORK MY PUSSY · BECAUSE I WAS BORN A BITCH · BECAUSE I LIKE MORE THAN ONE ORGASM · BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO SAY 'I LOVE YOU' TO ANYONE · BECAUSE IN MY MIND I CAN BE FUCKING ANYONE I WANT · BECAUSE IT'S HEALTHY · BECAUSE I'M A VAIN BITCH AND ONLY I KNOW HOW TO LOVE MYSELF...