displaced midlife crisis time

pretension
i want to write
like the sea
salty, eternal
i want you to know
i will come for you.


see, wouldn't you all love me more if my every entry were that ridiculous? maybe i SHOULD just get a livejournal and dive in with all the other sarahlawrence fucks. it would have its benefits. many, many slc people write this way.

i'm am full-on in slc's clutches. i am full-on feeling my inadequacy.

whatshisname is spending the summer in south africa, shooting a documentary. taking two friends with (i am not one of the friends). yep, that's right. but i do have an invitation to go. to south africa. this summer. to visit. (opportunity of a lifetime, much?)

huh. and yet when it came the invite made me want to cry.

i am sick of people telling me to wait, that a calling takes time. i don't want to wait. i'm not a patient person. i want to know my purpose NOW. i want to have a goal, a passion, something i can point to and say, see? THAT'S where i'm headed! doesn't it look awesome over there?

needless to say, i will not being doing anything quite so awesome with my summer.

i want to make the world a better place. this figuring-out-who-you-are crap sucks.

and i know that, in the next two (or five) years, my life will be very strange. i know that, given the things i want to do, it is better and important that i remain single. hell, in the next couple years it will be hard enough for me and my friends to keep track of each other. i comprehend that i cannot have a Soulmate during this time. it would only complicate things. but it is still lame. and if i wait til i have time and space in my life for someone, well, that'll never happen. i just have to be burst in upon.

yes, i really am selfish enough to let someone else's good news do this to me.