a very harsh post

ways to die before you're 21:

• ski. ski high. be a really good skiier. fuck, it doesn't matter.
• don't wear your seatbelt. even once.
• incorporate strangulation into your sexual practices.
• go to a concert at a venue that employs a sex offender. as an added bonus he'll rape you before he strangles you.
• there's always suicide. don't worry about being too young for this option.
• go sledding at the ski basin. at night.
• drive drunk, or if you're too chicken, let someone else do it.
• honorable mention: you *might* get killed for being gay, but you can *definitely* get the ever-loving shit kicked out of you.

i'm sure i'm missing some. i didn't know all of them personally, but it's all so shitty and unfair.

dear universe -

fuck you. i am scared to write to people because i'm terrified i'll end up using the writing as a eulogy. yup, that's right. i'm scared if i write someone a letter about why i love them i will end up reading it to a roomful of assembled mourners, just like what sarah had to do - though hers was written after the fact - the hardest thing i can imagine. please don't make me be this scared. please don't do this; just don't. please stop doing this. please? even though i didn't know this one, she was 14 fucking years old. and my sister hurts. and i HATE it when my sister hurts. that was the only fucking thing i asked of you - to keep her from this. i hate that she feels this, hate that she has to cry and witness. it is so hard to witness this, to see a family's grief. this is so unfair. but at least she's alive. i'd rather have her alive and in pain than anything else. i'm scared to even ask it, but please, you fucking two bit son of a bitch universe whom i hope i can't hate any harder, please do not hurt a hair on my sister's head. please. leave her alone. you can fuck with her, but you cannot kill her. i feel i can't ask anymore of you, you betraying bastard. but please this one thing. i love her so.

fucker, let's call a truce. i hate you.

sarah