Turbogasm 3000

i'd like to comment on the guy's column in the new cosmo/glamour. (can't remember which, as they are the same mag. i think it's cosmo, the dude's column name might be jake?) anyway, it's all about how women have gotten too damn casual about their vibrators. one boyfriend found his girl's new toy (horrors!) under a pillow. it includes instruction on vibe buying (from a guy's point of view): don't buy anything too huge or lifelike, as it hurts our feelings. if it's the only way you can get off, we won't like it. we will be willing to play with it, though "it might make us feel like it's Man vs. Machine" (yup, it really says that, i'd forgotten how poorly written this crap was). also, let us have gadget-free sex for awhile, then introduce the vibe when we get bored and move into our "silk scarves and ice cubes" phase of the sexual relationship.

ex-fucking-cuse me? any man who tells me when, how, where, and whether i can use my vibrator, or has the audacity to tell me what kind of toy i should get, will promptly receive swift, life-ending kicks to the groin. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT? you're scared we'll be able to get off without you? guess what, asshole - we already CAN and DO get off without you, whether or not we own toys. and if you're so scared that your *sexual prowess* is what's keeping your woman in the relationship, you deserve to be alone. DID THEY COMPLETELY MISS THE POINT OF VIBRATORS? a vibrator is NOT about you!!!!! it's the most male-centered, misogynist piece of crap i've read in a good, long while. i don't particularly like this new emphasis on sex toys as something couples do together. yeah, it's nice and all, but the primary point of vibrators is to please women. women have gone without pleasure for a very, very long time and to have it co-opted by men and coupledom is pretty lameass. what the fuck IS that shit?

still, i will be chuckling over the image for awhile: some 20something, following his girlfriend around, whining, "see? jake says i should satisfy you because i'm a Big Strong Man. now won't you please throw away the Turbogasm 3000?"