a bad patch of writing

a majority of my favorite books are on the list of most frequently/challenged banned books, according to the ALA (american library association).

last night i saw the Life and Times of Harvey Milk. for those of you who don't know (which is everyone except for maybe jess), harvey milk was the first openly gay elected official in the U.S., he served on the city council/board entity in the 70s in San Francisco. he was assassinated (i almost don't have to say it, do i?). the story, and his subsequent death, made me cry, as did the story of the candlelight vigil in his honor. i went to coming out stories night earlier this week. maybe i'm ridiculous, but time and again i've come back to the queer community. time and again i've looked for solace there, for my particular kind of freakishness there, and i've found it, and found someone willing to say they accept it. through my changing identities, through my expansion of my own ideas about gender and sexuality, through discovering kink, through all of it, the queers have been there, joyful and welcoming. i listen to other queers and they always say, "this community is important to me. this community kept me safe and accepted me when no one else would." and i think that's important.

nothing else is new with me. i've talked enough about the woman i love (TWIL). i'm still pining over her. i feel like i'm headed for a big patch of really bad writing, and i'm no longer able to craft blog entries people are interested in, so i'm going to post this poem by nikki giovanni, this beautiful poem that sends me into mourning, this gorgeous thing that makes me wish i could write like this.

All Eyez on U (for 2Pac Shakur 1971-1996), Nikki Giovanni

as I tossed and turned unable to achieve sleep unable to control
anxiety unable to comprehend why

2Pac is not with us

if those who lived by the sword died by the sword there would be no
white men on earth
if those who lived on hatred died on hatred there would be no KKK
if those who lived by lies died by lies there would be nobody on wall
street in executive suites in academic offices instructing the young
don't tell me he got what he deserved he deserved a chariot and
the accolades of a grateful people

he deserved his life

it is as clear as a mountain stream as defining as a lightning strike
as terrifying as sun to vampires

2Pac told the truth

there were those who called it dirty gansta rap inciting there were
those who never wanted to be angry at the conditions but angry
at the messenger who report: your kitchen has roaches your toilet
is overflowing your basement has so much water the rats are in the
living room
your house is in disorder

and 2Pac told you about it

what a beautiful boy graceful carriage melodic voice sharp wit intellectual
breadth what a beautiful boy to lose

not me never me I do not believe east coast west coast I saw
them murder Emmett Till I saw them murder Malcolm X I saw
them murder Martin Luther King I witnessed them shooting
Rap Brown I saw them beat LeRoi Jones I saw them fill their jails
I see them burning churches not me never me I do not believe
this is some sort of mouth action this is some sort of political
action and they picked well they picked the brightest freshest
fruit from the tallest tree what a beautiful boy

but he will not go away as Malcolm did not go away as Emmett
Till did not go away your shooting him will not take him from us
his spirit will fill our hearts his courage will strengthen us for the
challenge his truth will straighten our backbones

you know, Socrates had a mother she too watched her son drink
hemlock she too asked why but Socrates stood firm and would
not lie to save himself 2Pac has a mother the lovely Afeni had
to bury her son it is not right

it is not right this young warrior is cut down it is not right for
the old to bury the young it is not right
this generation mourns 2Pac as my generation mourned Till as we
all mourn Malcolm this wonderful young warrior

Sonia Sanchez said when she learned of his passing she walked all day
walking the beautiful warrior home to our ancestors I just cried as all
mothers cry for the beautiful boy who said he and Mike Tyson would
never be allowed to be free at the same time who told the truth about
them and who told the truth about us who is our beautiful warrior

there are those who wanted to make him the problem who wanted
to believe if they silenced 2Pac all would be quiet on the ghetto
front there are those who testified that the problem wasn't the conditions
but the people talking about them

they took away band so the boys started scratching they took away
gym so the boys started break dancing the boys started rapping
cause they gave them the guns and the drugs but not the schools and
libraries

what a beautiful boy to lose

and we mourn 2Pac Shakur and we reach out to his mother and we
hug ourselves in sadness and shame

and we are compelled to ask:
R U Happy, Mz Tucker? 2Pac is gone
R U Happy?