what you do to me

you make me blush and cast my eyes downward. i watch your hands, i know what they could do to me. i listen to you speak. i nearly swoon when you say certain words, even in the wrong context. i am stupid and incoherent and half as smart as i am usually because i can't concentrate.

you make my stomach hurt. you make me giggle with trepidation. i already know what it's like to hold your stare. i already know how we'd be together and i like it. i know what you could do, if you wanted. i know what you could do to me, because i would let you. i know about the handcuffs and the toys and the things i'd let you use, and what for.

you make me want to beg. you make me want to cry. i want to plot our future and have your babies. i've already bought us a beautiful house by the seaside in my head. i already know how we'd break up, and the depression it would send me into, and how emily, mana, sarah, ed, ghiradelli brownies AND ben and jerry's wouldn't console me.

but none of that is happening now. now you are across the table from me, catching my eye again in our cat-and-mouse game.

my breath quickens. this is what you do to me.