things that make no sense to me

i have a nearly endless capacity for jealousy and rage - specifically jealous rage. i demand what i see as absolute (and in my pea brain, completely reasonable) loyalty, especially from people i'm not holding at arm's length anymore. the combination of being insecure and an aries, man, it's deadly. i'm willing to bet ariens are the great vase throwers of history. i know this trait is particularly insane, and i DO try to curb it (which means when it peeps out, you should appreciate how much hard work i'm doing - i want to be like that all the time, actually). really. i'm trying to not be quite so rabidly possessive.

if someone doesn't respond to your initial IM, why IM them over and over and over? if i don't respond it means i'm doing something else and i didn't think someone would IM me 8 times if i didn't put up a message. mrgh.

emily and sarah have this quality that i don't have. i think it has to do with them being nicer people than me. they care what utterly non-important, useless, or stupid people think of them. from evil teachers to people in the wal-mart checkout line, they don't want anyone to think badly of them. public opinion carries a lot of weight with them. i have no idea why anyone would live like that. mana has it too, but in a different way. at least mana wants people she knows to like her. obviously we all want that to some extent, but i think mana takes it one step further. but thank the good lord she doesn't care about what the public at large thinks, i have to have at least one friend who gets it. it's like the difference between artie and brenda.

me, i just don't give a fuck. you have to earn the right to weigh in on my life.