6 hours in admissions

i hate the alphabet. it's time to stop filing when you no longer know if i or e comes first.

Linda, giving Ryan more filing to do: Remember, it's not for me, it's for the cause.

Ryan on his interview: it was great! i mean, it was fine, you know, okay. normal interview. she was just gorgeous and i wanted to let her keeping talking so i could have an excuse to look at her eyes.

actual conversation in SLC admissions today:
prospie parent: i'd like to . . . well, you see my son is applying . . . and i noticed that your school is three-quarters female . . . and i was just wondering if that makes it different? is there a man in the office i could speak to?
female secretary: sure. (transfers to Larry, our flamboyantly gay admissions counselor)
Larry: How can i help you?
prospie parent: um, i was just wondering what it's like for young men at sarah lawrence?
Larry: Excuse me?
PP: well, is it any different? i mean, if he went to another school he'd get a different experience, right?
Larry: um, yes? [thinking: well, yeah, it would be a DIFFERENT SCHOOL.]
PP: i mean, it's just, how does the fact that the school is 3/4 female affect the young men?
Larry: well, i'm told it's not that noticeable . . .
PP: i mean, i like women, i like women a lot, but that must be strange for them.
Larry: . . . ?
PP: okay, um, thanks. bye.

dude, there are only two reasons you would call us with a question like this.

A) you think your son is gay. (and you, in all your moron-ocity, think the # of girls here will TURN him gay.) in which case, he probably is, and he'll find lots of eager fag-hags here, and come out in an open and accepting environment and will make sure to tell you after the tuition bills are paid. he'll come up with a fabulous outfit for the Coming Out Dance, and he will go barely clothed, drunk, and make out with TONS of people whose names he doesn't know! woohoo!

B) more likely: your son is straight, to some extent, and you're worried all the whoring will distract from his schooling. a legit fear, but ASK us that, don't just beat around the moron bush. most college kids go on some kind of rampage first year, and your kid might go on a sex ramage. deal. SLC hands out free condoms, glides (aka dental dams), gloves, and sample packets of lube, because we believe whatever kind of sex you have should be as safe as possible. so chill.

either way, i just wanna be like, yep, your kid's gonna have LOTS of sex! some of it unprotected! HAH!! maybe you'll get REALLY lucky and we'll send him home a daddy! aww!