ways to tell i love you

i will listen for an hour about the potentially relationship-ending fight you are having with your boyfriend.

i will take that hour out of the time that i was planning on devoting to spanish homework (okay, i will take time away from spanish homework for almost anything, but especially for you).

i will spend this hour actually listening and trying to come up with ways to deal with the problem, not trying to jump your bones, even though this previously would have been HIGH on my list of goals. i will not exploit the situation, even though i know i could.

when you suggest opening up the relationship, i remind you this is not a solution to the problems in the primary relationship. even though some little voice in my head or my cunt wants to urge you to do this so i can sleep with you. see? for you i'll look beyond the dictates of my own desires.

i will urge you to stay with him and work it out, on behalf of your honor and the hard work you've done for the sake of said relationship.

most of all, i will wish i could fight your battles for you, wish i could call your boyfriend and yell at him for hurting you so, break it off with him for you, and lay in your bed and cry your tears so you wouldn't have to. i will wish i could feel this pain for you, or split it with you. i will want nothing more than to kiss your forehead and cheeks and take you home and put you in bed and hold you until you fall asleep for a brief respite from these awful fighting thoughts. and i will refrain because i know you need to be alone with these thoughts, know you need to find some way to do your homework even though this is tearing you apart. so i will let you kiss my cheek and walk away with your pain.

but most of all, you will know i love you when, even more than fighting your battles for you, i want you to fight your own battles because i know you will emerge from them stronger and smarter. i will be smart enough to know and trust that you can do this yourself, and know you are smart enough to ask for my help when you need it. i'll let you handle your own shit and step back til you need me to step up. i promise. i'll let you handle this shit as long as you promise to let me know when you need me.

i love you.