update

here are the last two posts to my livejournal about the boy situation. if you want to know more/gory details, just ask. i just don't want everyone to get (even more) sick to death of it.



"Fetish"

It's a simple story, really.

Boy breaks up with Girlfriend.
Boy meets Girl.
Boy and Girl enjoy one another's company, move way too fast for it to be wise, make unwise decisions, enjoy each other recklessly, too soon, too quickly.
Girlfriend finds out, is upset.
Boy feels like shit for hurting Girlfriend.
(He cannot bring himself to say "Ex-," even in Girl's arms.)
Boy tells Girl, in true Old Movie Fashion, that they cannot see one another anymore.

Everyone wants to throw up.



(Except in this version, Girl is downing Plan B when Boy calls to tell her, and Girlfriend may be in Serious Health Trouble, and Boy has interesting sexual proclivities. The details change, but the story remains the same.)




"what i wish i could say to her"

i am sorry. in my better moments. it was never our intent to hurt anybody.

he's free now. let him go.

i know this is painful, believe me i do. but he's gone. you have to stand on your own two feet now, and blaming everyone won't change the fact that, at the end of the day you come home to yourself. maybe being a relationship for a long time can mask that, but it's still true no matter how much you avoid it.

you have only yourself upon which to rely.

do you REALLY want me to suffer as you have? is that your goal? or is it just easier to hate me rather than him?

i want you to say, fuck him, he can do whatever he wants, he's not good enough for me anymore. i want you to leave me alone. i don't want you to be a fucking psycho. i said i'm sorry, now please calm down.

please leave him alone.

i don't know why you approached me and said hi today, but i don't take it as a good sign. i don't want confrontation with you. i don't want contact with you.

but.

you should be warned. if you confront me, i will be honest. i will tell you that i'm not sorry for what we did, that i liked it, that he's done with you and that is not my fault. i will tell you to stop acting like a child, pick up your shit and move along. i will try not to say, him abandoning you has nothing to do with your father, because that would go too far. i know too much about you already.

i would like to have faith in you, to think that in normal situations you wouldn't judge me by how many pairs of heels i own or what colors i wear with my haircolor or call me ugly. in a weird way, i want to have the faith in you that he does, because i want to know that he chooses women wisely, want to believe him that you won't really damage me or my relationship with him.

right now, though, i just want you silent and gone from both our lives so this new relationship can unfold in peace. please.