the one who won't go away

nutshell.
me: what turns you on?
boy: can i just say "you"?

you most certainly may, good sir.

it was partially out of laziness, as i tend to exhaust him with my endless questions, but that's a great sentence.

(unlike, *ahem*, "if i'm going to be sexual at all it won't be with you." BAD SENTENCE.)

five years and we still make each other crazy. five years and he'll finally be vulnerable, at least in some ways. going on six. soon to be six years of me being as insane as i want and him loving it, six years of me worshipping this boy who never deserved it. six years of exasperating each other.

i make it sound like we're in love. we aren't. i was, at one point, he never. i don't understand it either, not sure i understand how you can go through so much with someone . . . there's a difference between loving each other and being in love with one another. and yeah, ultimate cliche, i might always be in love with the *idea* of him.

i don't know what binds us. but i do feel bound. it's such a strange relationship, and i've never encountered anything like it, never known anyone else who had the same thing with someone. for two people who love definites, our relationship lives in this eternal, infernal gray area between dating, fucking, and friendship.

it's always this boy vs. every other.